The Article Archives
Topic: Truth in Culture Weekly Commentaries
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Part I - No-Fault Divorce is Institutionalized Evil
September 7, 2009
S. Michael Craven
 
This past week, I awoke one evening and in almost Wilberforce fashion, the Lord seemed to set before me this “one great object”: the abolition of no-fault divorce. Weird! The fact is, this legal practice has wrought untold human suffering and injustice since its establishment in 1969. It is an evil that exists in active opposition to the principles of God’s kingdom. As Christians, we are commissioned to oppose what is evil in the advance of Christ’s kingdom (see Luke 19:13). So the abolition of a policy that has systematically undermined our society’s commitment to the divine plan for the family seems perfectly consistent with the admonition to “seek first the kingdom.”
Throughout history, Christians have fought against countless social evils from slavery to child labor and these battles inevitably began with a campaign of sustained public persuasion that exposed the hidden evils to a public largely unaware. Similarly, no-fault divorce has become so commonplace that its evil is either obscured or ignored. But the availability of no-fault divorce has served to increase family dissolution at a rate greater than ever before in history; furthermore, it undermines the institution of marriage itself, perhaps more so than any other single factor in history. We would not be standing on the brink of same-sex marriage were it not for the corrosive effect upon marriage-as-an-institution that followed the divorce revolution.
Constitutional and family law attorney J. Shelby Sharpe says, “No-fault is national catastrophe. Anything which overturns the order or systems of things whereby families are destroyed and the whole of society adversely affected is by definition a catastrophe.”
You may be surprised to learn that the initial efforts to advance no-fault divorce legislation were underwritten by Hugh Hefner through the Playboy Foundation, which financed an army of young lawyers working to advance these antifamily policies. Let’s see…America’s largest pornographer working to rewrite public policy related to the family? There’s something seriously wrong with this picture! Alfred Kinsey also played an instrumental role in reducing these legal protections by falsely reporting that adultery was commonplace in most marriages. This reduced the stigma associated with adultery and ultimately served as the basis for eliminating all laws against adultery. Hefner and Kinsey both saw marriage as the final barrier to sexual freedom and thus determined to remove its inhibiting influence upon unrestrained sexual activity.
No-fault divorce is much more than just divorce; it is a legal tyranny that denies the fundamental right of due process to a defendant. Prior to no-fault divorce, the party seeking divorce (plaintiff) was required, by law, to demonstrate cause on the part of the other party (defendant) prior to dissolving the marriage, dividing the family’s assets, and destroying the two-parent structure essential for children. These measures provided strong legal protections—primarily to women and children who might otherwise find themselves abandoned by husbands and fathers who simply sought “greener pastures.” (You might think me overly hard on men here. Granted, both men and women can be guilty of abandoning marriages; however, statistically speaking, women and children are most often the victims.)
Under the system prior to no-fault divorce, the state was limited in its actions and intrusion into the private affairs of the family except in those cases in which one of the parties committed a legally recognized offense against the other. In the wake of no-fault divorce, the state has been given unprecedented access into and unconstitutional authority over what was previously sacrosanct: the family. Historically, the law regarded the family as a preserve of privacy that was largely off-limits to the government. It was what Supreme Court Justice Byron White (1962–1993) called the “realm of family life, which the state cannot enter.”
What is most shocking about no-fault divorce is the inherent unconstitutionality of it all, a direct violation of human rights. A retired circuit court judge writes, “To the characterization of no-fault divorce laws as both ungodly and inhumane I would add unconstitutional as well.” In my conversation with attorney J. Shelby Sharpe he was confident that if a case involving no-fault divorce were ever brought before the U.S. Supreme Court it would no doubt be ruled unconstitutional and no-fault divorce abolished!
One of our most fundamental protections secured by the U.S. Constitution is the right to due process, which secures the right of an individual to be heard regarding issues of life, liberty, or property. This means that no person shall be deprived of life, liberty, property, or of any right granted him by statute, unless the matter involved is first adjudicated or ruled against him at trial.
No-fault divorce completely usurps the defendant’s constitutional right to due process. In the case of Judith Brumbaugh, author of Judge, Please Don’t Strike That Gavel on My Marriage, with whom I spoke, her husband of twenty years had an adulterous affair, formed a relationship with the other woman, and decided that he no longer wanted to be married. Under the no-fault procedure he was able to file for divorce claiming that their marriage was “irretrievably broken.” Judith contested this claim, hoping to preserve her marriage; however the no-fault procedure ultimately gave her husband and the court the right to deny her due process. She was, in essence, charged with a crime, found guilty, and sentenced without ever being heard. The marriage contract was unilaterally dissolved.
Judith lost her home, her children, and her husband; she was left nearly destitute from legal expenses and utterly without recourse—which is legally impossible in every other contractual obligation in this country! And yet in the most important contractual obligation in society, under no-fault divorce the plaintiff is able to break his or her contractual obligation without the right of due process being given to the other party in the contract. The defendant’s life can be ruined, her liberty restrained in countless ways, and her property taken away by the courts. I know, and I’m sure you do as well, too many women and children who have suffered similar results.
This is a travesty of justice that affects more than a million families each and every year, with an annual related cost to taxpayers of more than $48 billion! This cost doesn’t even begin to consider the secondary societal effects of family dissolution upon crime rates, welfare rolls, and the emotional and psychological effects upon the children of divorce. No-fault divorce has created an easy divorce culture, which, according to Maggie Gallagher, an affiliate scholar at the Institute for American Values and a nationally syndicated columnist, “demotes marriage from a binding relation into something best described as cohabitation with insurance benefits.”
No-fault divorce is a social and legal atrocity that needs to be abolished both for the sake of families and children that have, for too long, been subjected to the tyrannical actions of family courts, and because it has encouraged, through law, radical selfishness on the part of narcissistic, self-indulgent spouses. What must be understood by Christians is that no-fault divorce functions as a direct enemy of the gospel of the kingdom by opposing the in-breaking reign of God and his desires for the family.
I will be sharing more on this and what you can do in the months ahead.
© 2009 by S. Michael Craven
Read Part II
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Responses
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Response from : Doug Hepner |
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September 8, 2009 8:14 AM
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I have been thinking about this for some time and looking for a way to fight this injustice.
I will look forward to your action plan with great interest.
I am extremely disappointed that our society allows men to abrogate their responsibility legally and encourages them to remain selfish adolescents for so long.
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Response from : Ashton |
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September 8, 2009 8:19 AM
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You are so right. I am a victim of easy divorce. Had a court required us to go to counseling my spouse may have realized what was wrong in our marrage and agreed to repair it. Instead my spouse was able to say everything is fine from my viewpoint so if YOU don't like it leave. The pain and strain on the children never ends. I fear my divorce has soured them from entering into a marriage of blissful love. They will ever be cautious.
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Response from : Chip Burkitt |
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September 8, 2009 8:19 AM
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I agree completely! I have long believed that the easy divorce culture has the most pernicious effects on our society. Thank you for bringing it up.
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Response from : Rose |
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September 8, 2009 8:48 AM
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No fault divorce has hurt our society in so many ways. The fact that a contract entered into by two people can be dissolved by one party makes the contract itself meaningless. And contracts or agreements have suffered since then. It is no wonder that bankruptcies have skyrocketed. People who made a contract to repay money find themselves unable to do so and so they can go to a court and be released of all debt. And where does that leave the party that loaned the money? I think the ramifications of not having to abide by marriage laws are felt by a whole culture that has lost faith people's word.
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Response from : Greg |
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September 8, 2009 8:58 AM
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Wow, Michael! Thanks for speaking out on this issue. As a pastor, time and again, I've seen the devastation of no-fault divorce that you describe, and repeatedly been made to feel the fundamental injustice of it all. Many times I've thought, "This just isn't right; something has to be done!" But, frankly, the no-fault culture is all I've ever known wehn it comes to issues of divorce. Thanks for helping me see that, as a follower of Jesus Christ, lamenting but accepting no-fault divorce is not a viable option. I look forward to learning more from you.
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Response from : Joel Black |
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September 8, 2009 8:59 AM
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I agree with your conclusions. Futhermore, statistics seem to show that women file at as high a rate as 66% more than men. While every situation is different, in my experience counseling couples in distress, a woman will often give up on the marriage just because she can. Which is yet another problem with no- fault. There is no societal pressure to stick it out and work at it. How do you respond to critics who say it protects women and children in abusive situations, many of which are difficult to prove?
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Response from : Diane |
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September 8, 2009 9:34 AM
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In theory, I agree with you. But from personal experience I was glad this was available to save me from more problems.
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Response from : Greg Williams |
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September 8, 2009 9:51 AM
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Mr. Craven
Another great article and thanks! One comment and one question - You seem to have implied, and yet your readers may not understand, the connection and implications between Kinsey and Hefner. Were you aware that when the Ford and Rockefeller Foundations discontinued funding for the "junk science" Kinsey Institute in 1964 (after more than 2 decades of support) that not only did Hefner use his influence to push for 'no-fault' divorce but he reinforced the issue of unhealthy relationships and sexuality by funding the Kinsey Institute. At the same time they helped form SIECUS (today's modern "sexperts" that, along with Planned Parenthood, Advocates for Youth and others, influence our youth and country along with the entire world, thanks to our govt. and taxpayer monies, with 'contraceptive-promotion, free-sex' education and ideology).
Now to my question: I'd like to know where you stand regarding marriage, divorce, adultery and remarriage? I speak on this a lot and have been studying it and the Lord has really moved me with regard to the "traditional" church interpretation on this, as it has had and continues to have, far-reaching influence on the holiness and sanctity of marriage. Just curious to know where you are as I've found that we are basically in complete agreement on every issue that you've addressed over the last 2 - 3 years.
Thanks and keep up the great work! I recommend your book, "Uncompromised Faith" at almost every venue that I speak at and will be doing so again at a TEA party this weekend.
God bless in Christ!
In His service
Greg
http://www.ip315.org
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Response from : Marica Maas |
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September 8, 2009 11:56 AM
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May your quest be rewarded in due season as was the case with Wilberforce and friends... Onwards, Christian soldiers!
"Hate evil, love good; maintain justice in the courts ... let justice roll on like a river, righteousness like a never failing stream!" Amos 5:15,24
"Righteousness exalts a nation, but sin is a digrace to any people!" Proverbs 14:34
"For I, the Lord, love justice; I hate robbery and iniquity." Isiah 61:8
http://Ricky
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Response from : Daniel J. Dick |
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September 8, 2009 12:41 PM
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This is an absolute answer to a prayer I have been longing to see for so many years! Yes! This is exactly true and exactly right on, and believe it or not, for many, many, many years, there have been many of us who have seen the widespread of the evil of this no-fault divorce law and we have experienced the extreme loss and extreme pain of having our families shredded in support of adultery.
Thank God!!!!!!!!!
God is so good!!!!!
Thank you so very much for bringing attention to something we have been slaving to bring to visibility for years.
Actually, the real evil behind it is not so much the "no-fault" aspect of the law, but rather the "unilateral" aspect of it.
Originally, the design of the law, or the bait, or the draw for the law was that it promised to reduce the acrimony between those seeking a divorce. And originally this law was meant for couples who mutually wanted a divorce and were in agreement regarding the terms of that divorce.
Later, a state assemblyman in California wanted to dump his wife of 25 years to live with his new woman without having to suffer loss. That was a very cowardly and reprehensible and unmanly thing for him to do, but he apparently pushed to get this law converted into a "unilateral" no fault divorce law so that only one spouse would have to want out of a marriage for it to be considered "no-fault".
Look carefully at the difference between unilateral and bi-lateral.
Often, abuse and unfaithfulness are part of the mindset of the same unfaithful spouse. Unilateral no-fault encourages unfaithful and abusive behavior because it protects the unfaithful spouse from the consequences of his or her actions and makes the rest of the family and society pay instead. Furthermore, attorneys on both sides are encouraged to bring injustice since it prolongs cases and increases attorney demand and allows them to inflate their attorney fees. Furthermore, judges reap a windfall when attorneys become more wealthy because the state legislatures have to raise judges' salaries to keep them from going back into private practice.
With bi-lateral no-fault divorce, at least the victim of abuse and adultery has grounds for a fault based divorce, and this provides protection for the faithful spouse, and it discourages divorce and adultery and abuse.
With bi-lateral no-fault, the injured spouse can say, "If we're having a divorce, it will be on my terms, or it will go to court and become a fault based divorce. Since you've been unfaithful, selfish, abusive, and harmful to our family and to our children, I want the children to stay with me, the house to stay with us, and we'll need the cars and the same income we had before to support us, and if you agree to this, you will save yourself tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars in attorney fees. Your call."
Wouldn't this cause people to take marriage a little more seriously when it comes time to make the vows?
When we marry, what we should be doing is standing before God and society, laying the honor of our word on the line and coming into a moral obligation based on commitment and sincerity of love and courage that willfully takes responsibility promising never to violate the right of the family to live together in love enjoying the shared family assets in peace without violation of adultery, abuse, or divorce.
But, unilateral no-fault has turned America into a whorehouse of adulterers, liars, and cowards who want to live narcissistically and make their family pay dearly for their sins.
I have read somewhere that one of the tightest correlations with suicide rates in every culture is the divorce rate, and it is not hard to see why. I have known many men and women who have been robbed by this unilateral no-fault divorce system.
Think about it. When someone plays the whore on his or her marriage and joins with another, in the eyes of the court, that union makes a "couple", and often they will see this as a better home situation than living with a single parent.
So, while the faithful spouse is trying and giving all he or she has to save the marriage, the adulterous couple is fighting to end the marriage and get all they can for themselves. So, they often wear the faithful spouse into a frazzle, strip him or her of all finances and possessions, force them into a situation where they must pay taxes on early retirement withdrawals for attorney fees and taxes on the increased value of the property sold to satisfy the property distribution requirements.
Then, the faithful are deprived of their children. Then since the other lover's salary does not come into the child support calculations, they may be living off of the millions of the other lover, but on paper they will appear dirt poor, so the impoverished faithful spouse is commanded to seek work vigorously and pay a heavy portion of that to the unfaithful spouse under the guise of child support.
Out of a million divorces each year, I have heard that about 80 percent of them would be contested. But the faithful spouse is defenseless under our unilateral no-fault divorce laws.
And almost all the time, the faithful are so abused by this system that they have no energy or power to fight back, or if they do, they are threatened with the loss of shared custody or visitation rights. If they speak against no-fault divorce, they may be silenced through the use of their children. And that has to be one of the most reprehensible and cowardly form of extortion there is or has ever been. And, it has the name America all over it.
If we want to rise above this, then we need something better than this.
I began something called a "Sincerity Marriage" concept a few years ago but have been more focused on Christian evangelism lately feeling that this cowardice is perhaps the worst symptom of a bigger problem of ungodliness and a desperate need for revival.
But, both revival and Sincerity Marriage are two things I would sacrifice my life for. In fact, I would consider my life worthless in comparison to either of those causes -- saving souls and saving families.
Thank you so much again for bringing attention to this issue!!! And thank God for calling this to your attention, too.
Very sincerely,
Daniel J. Dick
http://www.nodivorces.com
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Response from : John Long |
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September 8, 2009 1:22 PM
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This is great to see. Attention to the scourge of divorce is long overdue. I have always thought that the pre-occupation with same-sex marriage was hypocritical and useless in contrast to the overwhelming importance of divorce's impact.
A note on strategy, though. The marriage and divorce laws prior to no-fault were hardly examples of justice, peace and equity. Rather than making a campaign that focuses on "going back" to the old days, focus on "going forward" to renewed protections, particularly for women and children. We should not harken back to the "good old days" (which never existed), but forward to an increased gravity and significance to the marriage contract.
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Response from : Dawn Chrisostom |
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September 8, 2009 1:37 PM
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This is good Michael. You called it out just as it is. It is disturbing to me how Christians just so easily go along with what the world says about marriage. There was a time that satan came at me about dissoving my marriage and the thing that the Lord kept bringing to the forefront was that my marriage was not a contract but a covenant made before Him. That is the one thing that kept me going back to why I was persuing these thoughts anyway. The conclusion that came was that there was a curse that had to be broken on my marriage and on my children because of a long line of divorce in my own family. I knew it was God's desire that my marriage continue and grow not end. My husband is a wonderful person and did not deserve the negative thoughts about him that would go through my head. I think it has been made so easy for people to just quit on their marriage and not work at it as God intended for us to do.
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Response from : Marica Maas |
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September 8, 2009 2:17 PM
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Unlike most other articles, cannot get my mind off this one... What a revolution all around the world it would cause if this law is reversed!
Most significant the mention made of "unrestrained sexual activity" and "realm of family life which state cannot enter"... Reinstating laws that protect the privacy of family life/marriage such as laws prohibiting pornography and birth control -- abortion included -- should then surely be next in line? It remains my conviction that birth control itself presents the most serious threat to marriage, paving the way not only for "unrestrained sexual activity" in general as Margaret Sanger envisaged, but also since it makes adultery so easy; be it because the married man is sterilised, or because the mistress is using contraceptives.
You must be aware that it was Protestant reformers who got laws against contraceptives instated in USA?
"For approximately 70 years from the first beginning of the contraceptive movement in the 1860s, the churches resisted. In the United States, Protestant concern was reflected in the passage of a federal law against the manufacture, sale, or possession of contraceptives in the District of Columbia and federal territories; it also forbade the mailing of contraceptives or advertisements for them. Passed on March 3, 1873, and known as the Comstock law after its chief backer, Anthony Comstock, a young Protestant reformer, it was followed by many similar laws... It was also during this same period that the states passed anti-abortion legislation." -John F. Kippley, Birth Control & Christian Discipleship
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Response from : Bob Gander |
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September 8, 2009 8:18 PM
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Since marriage has been divorced from sex and the word “marriage” is being raped of its meaning, perhaps the only redemptive thing to do is put a bright line between “civil unions” and “covenant marriage”. A civil union is little more than legalized fornication, nevertheless, to press this culture for a bright line between the two may be the necessary process in order to salvage marriage.
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Response from : eleni rigual |
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September 9, 2009 8:38 AM
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Excellent article and I agree! God in Christ is the One who reconciles; He does not divide. If hearts are open to Him, He can and will save marriages. Divorce lawyers and no fault divorce laws do just the opposite. They destroy marriages and families. Divorce should be as much an anathema to those of us who belong to Christ as it is to Him.
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Response from : jay |
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September 9, 2009 10:05 AM
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I really think it's time for me to unsubscribe to this. I am fortunate enough to live in a country where I have access to the health-care I need and where I could divorce my husband without recourse to painful and pointless court-proceedings which I could not have afforded, so would have come off worse.
While I appreciate the fact that this publication is based in US, there is much more to the world than one country. I have found difficulty in relating what is said in the articles to my own life and experience, because I don't live in the US.
In my own case, there were no non-adult children involved, my ex-husband is a non-believer and I fail to see how a court-case, as opposed to agreeing things amicably, would have helped anyone, especially as I am clinically depressed, self-harming and suicidal. Litigation would have caused bitterness, greater grief to my son and would have done no good to anyone. Not all divorce is about adultery - read I Corinthians 7:13.
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Response from : Cheryl Sauer |
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September 9, 2009 3:29 PM
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This article is so true and unfortunately I am just another statistic. Before marrying we were counseled by our pastor that we were making a covenant with the Lord, and pledging to be there for each other in sickness and in health, death do us part. We both agreed that divorce was not an option for us and yet after 25 years when the marriage lost it's spark my husband was unwilling to do the hard work to reconcile. A few years we parted and although we are still married he moved to another state with his younger girlfriend. Now I have no health insurance, a hefty morgage and an emotional disaster while he sits on a beach. Domestic Relationship judge replied to my comment that I don't believe in divorce that I just have to move on with my life and can't expect my husband to pay spousal support for much longer. At the present time I have thousands of dollars of medical bills and found out my husband is not responsible for any psychiatric hospitalizations. The legal system doesn't stand behind my values and belief that a marriage is a covenant unto the Lord.
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Response from : jerry crawford |
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September 9, 2009 9:53 PM
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perhaps imprecatory prayers for the leader of the playboy empire are in order
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Response from : John Vrett |
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September 9, 2009 10:40 PM
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i was in court this morning because my wife is demanding I sign her papers. she is having an affair after 28 years of fateful marriage on my part. she refuses any discussing of rebuilding what she has destroyed. she filed out of the blue on June 23, July 23 was our 28th. year together The judge refused to grant her divorce until the entire settlement is finished Sept 24. I am disabled with a min. pension. She spent everything else. I would love to revise your article for publication in our local paper. May . God bless your ministry.
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Response from : Gail DeJohn |
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September 10, 2009 11:16 AM
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I was married for 21 years to a minister of the Gospel. He had come from a divorced home and had issues about what real love is. All in all though we had a good marriage. Then in the span of four days he went from telling me how much he loved me to gone. He left me for another woman. He wanted me to file for divorce but I refused. I wanted to work this out and was willing to forgive. As soon as he established residency in another town he filed for divorce. The process was horrendous. No one wanted to hear my side or cared. No one wanted to try counseling. When I had my day in court, the judge would not even let me speak or cared that I didn't want a divorce and wanted him to order counseling first. The judge even called the lawyers to his chambers to speak with them about the case and left me and my soon to be x-husband sitting in the court room. Because of no-fault no one was concerned about saving the marriage. The only thing they would listen to any arguments about was distribution of property. I tried this but my x-husband wanted out so badly that he gave in to all my requests and that became a mute point. No one cared about my marriage and my children. My children were 15 and 18 when this happened. They are now 27 and 30. They still carry many scares from this experience. I just could not fathom how flippently man tore asunder what God had ordained. I agree with you. Nofault divorce has done more to destroy the family and our society than abortion ever has. Don't get me wrong. I believe that abortion is an abomination. People march and protest against abortion. Some even wrongly kill in the name of protesting abortion but I have never seen anyone carrying a sign saying "Abolish No Fault Divorce". Maybe they think they will want to use that option some day. I am also a teacher. The two biggest things I see children having a problem with today is committement, and owning your actions. No fault divorce teaches society that they don't have to do either of these things. Thank you for standing up and saying this is wrong.
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Response from : Nina |
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September 10, 2009 11:35 AM
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WOW! This article hit home. I am currently going through this type of divorce. To make matters worse, after the divorce I will have nothing, and I sacrificed everything. I had no intentions of relocating or remarrying until my husband and I made a promise that divorce would never be an option. We wrote this comment on a paper napkin, which I still have, and from that point on I was hooked. I had a good job making good money in ATL and he convinced me that we would make our marriage last a life time.
Flash to current day, we are seeking a divorce because he is having an affair and when I found out he decided the marriage was over. In the mean time, his occupation of CEO has not changed nor did his salary, and he did not relocate or lose any of his friends or family. In the beginning I believed the marriage breakdown was somehow my fault, at least he had I convinced me it was, until I found out the truth. Now with the divorce and the recession I will lose everything. My attorney tells me that I should be lucky that I am not out of work or like a lot of people due to the recession, and the Judge will not be sympathetic to my cause. I am blessed to have employment but I feel so beaten. I'm fifty-one years old, with a fourteen year old son and I have no desire to start a life much less a career all over again.
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Response from : Jennifer Morse |
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September 10, 2009 12:06 PM
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Over at the Ruth Institute, we are all over the no-fault divorce issue. I have reviewed Steve Baskerville's book on the subject, Taken into Custody. Go to www.ruthinstitute.org for more info.
http://www.ruthinstitute.org
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Response from : Barbara Harvey |
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September 10, 2009 4:56 PM
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Nowhere in your article do you state whether or not you personally are married, and perhaps that does not seem important to your cause. But as a wife of a man who has consistently belittled, demeaned and verbally abused me for the last 10 years, I am personally struggling with my church's response to my separation from my husband. I have not filed for divorce yet, but I am clearly considering it due to the fact that I do not believe my husband will treat me any differently if I moved back home with him. I cannot and will not believe that God wishes me to remain in a marriage that has caused me untold suffering and mental anguish for so many years, even though my fundamentalist church (The Christian and Missionary Alliance Church) has issued a statement which clearly indicates that the only reason God justifies divorce is if one of the parties involved has been unfaithful, ie. adultery. I have spent hours in prayer to God regarding my marriage, tried to get my husband to go to marriage counseling (he refused, saying he was completely justified in his behavior toward me) and spent time talking with my pastor and other members of my church. At the present time, I feel as though I will be ostracized from my church if I file for divorce, yet I am unable to bring myself to return to living with such a negative and selfish man. Were it not for no-fault divorce, I would not have any options available to me other than living permanently separated from him, unable to move on in my life and try to find someone with whom I could have a peaceful and happy life together. Your solution of banning no-fault divorce would leave me and countless others like me who are caught in the terrifying web of physical and mental abuse from their mate from seeking resolution from their situations. I do not support your theory that no-fault divorce is the cause of the deterioration of the family, rather I believe that the policies and laws enacted over the last 8 yrs by the Bush Administration have done more to threaten the middle-class family than any divorce laws could EVER accomplish.
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Response from : Evelyn Hartsell |
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September 10, 2009 6:27 PM
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I have to agree with this I went through this same thing in 2007 when my husband filed for a divorce I beleave it is satan that came to steal and detroy our relationship,I did not see it coming. We were together 23 years and he wanted out of the marriage to be with some one else. After he filed for the divorce she decided she did not want to have a relationship with him.But he had already told his family lies and he could not change what he had done or said. He wanted to be friends but he was not honest with me or his self and we are not speaking or seeing each other at all the children and grandchildren have suffered from this break up. I had to seek christian counceling to get me back on track. It has been a real hard break-up. I loved him very much. I ask for marriage counceling but he refused,Now he is living with a nother woman.I pray she does not have to go through what I went through. Its been 2years and it still hurts. I pray For healing every day.
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Response from : Renee Anderson |
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September 10, 2009 11:35 PM
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I truly agree with this Article you have written on no fault divorces.
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Response from : Mark Moran |
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September 11, 2009 6:51 AM
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Amen Michael!!! As one who is going through the living hell of divorce, I could not agree with you more. My wife decided that she wanted to live the life described on the cover of the checkout stand magazines. All she had to do to file for a divorce was claim irreconcilable differences. She had hundreds of lawyers eagerly waiting for her business. The results have been that each of us have had to file for bankruptcy, the lose of our home, and a significantly lower standard of living for our entire family. All that pales in comparison to the devestation that has been brought into the lives of our four children. No fault divorce is an evil that few in this country are willing to stand up against and that most Americans have just simply accepted as a way of life. No fault divorce has brought more destruction to this country than any war ever has, and it continues totally unabated. I encourage your stand and support your battle against this evil in our country. Thank you for your willingness to speak out against this evil.
Sincerely, Mark Moran
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Response from : Thomas Peck |
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Response from : Kari |
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September 12, 2009 3:41 PM
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You can make divorce more difficult, but you can't make a man love his wife or a woman love her husband. Where is there room for grace in this idea?
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Response from : Matt Ammon |
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September 16, 2009 2:20 PM
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What is our strategy for fighting and winning this battle? If what you say about the likely result of bringing a case before the Supreme Court is true, and that each of us knows someone who has been a defendant/victim of No-Fault (which is alst true), then what are we doing to get one of these cases to the Supreme Court?
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Response from : Laura |
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September 25, 2009 1:06 PM
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Amen! We, as Christians, especially if we have been witnesses to the vows taken would serve God and one another by reminding married people considering divorce that God hates divorce! Malachi 2:16 Those vows are the basis of the marraige, not how one feels now, or what has happened since they were taken. Those vows are made to one another AND TO GOD! They are a legally binding contract, also in writing with the marraige certificate signed after the ceremony.
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Response from : |
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September 30, 2009 5:07 PM
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This email was very enlighten. My husband and I have been married for 31 years. He left in July 2007 and on March 23,2009 I a divorce partition for an absolute divorce. Because he is a Pastor and we both Pastored together until he walked out, I have truly been devastated. It hurts more bacuse of waht it has done to the church as well as my family. I truly didn't expect this and I'm praying for him. I have since left the church and back in the ministry from which we branched from and continuing in the Lord. We were a close knit family with six children. The baby was in his last year in high school, thank God for that; but it has taken a toll on our family. I still believe God can give life to this dead situation. Just as Jeremiah prophised to the dry bones, I speak to my mariage and my family.
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Response from : Ellen Moon |
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October 15, 2009 10:04 AM
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Trust me. If you want to stretch out a divorce and make it someone's fault, you can.....and is it really what a person wants? To "force" another person to love and cherish them when they no longer do? How much do you desire to make another person "pay" for not being able to stay in a situation. It takes two to make a marriage and it takes two to divorce.
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Response from : joyce |
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October 15, 2009 12:44 PM
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You are such a great writer thank you for your work-- I agee with what you are saying-- so many hurt and left in such a bad position -- not to mention the state of the church and the world with this disrespect of marraige.
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Response from : Nancy A Weatherspoon |
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October 15, 2009 1:34 PM
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I have been married for 45 years to a fine Christian man. I love him very much and we made our covenant with God before friends and family in the church where we both grew up. One week before our 45th anniversary, he told me that he no longer loves me. He wanted to make it clear that he loves me as a "sister in Christ" but just no longer loves me. I am broken and falling apart. I have turned it over to God and am praying for a miracle. We are going to have to sell our home because he wants his half. We are going to have to split everything 50/50 because the law says that is the rule. He is totally happy and I am losing everything. He has stood beside me during breast cancer, major bacterial infections, a total shoulder replacement, and other illnesses. We are now "cohabitating with insurance benefits". Please tell me how I can help change this legal atrocity. Our legacy to our children and grandchildren is now broken and our son is so angry with his father that he will not speak with him. My husband continues to attend church and acts like the same man I have loved for 45 years....he has just decided to end the marriage. It has been so easy for him to destroy so many lives!
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Response from : MARY BETH Hauser |
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October 17, 2009 12:51 PM
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Thank you for this article. I, too, was left in a state of bankruptcy, with years of back taxes while my husband and his girlfriend lied to the court (short of trial) to obtain all of our assets (which were plenty.) I lost my home (he then owned 5 properties), my car (he had 4), my children (I was TOLD that I had Munchhausen by proxy because I medicated my children for ADHD - despite letters from doctors to the contrary). My husband was given sole custody of our two boys, who were horribly abused "to make you cave" and I'm afraid are scarred for life. I lost my health in the process as I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder. Horrible slander took away the standing in the community. At 57, my life is ashambles even though it was my husband who had had a 5 year affair, hid assets and left me and our sons.
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Response from : Janel Rubert |
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October 30, 2009 11:20 AM
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Wow! I found this article "by accident" on October 29th. I am "standing" for my marriage along with so many others that the world doesn't even realize. I had felt in my spirit yesterday that something must be done and we must start with changing the divorce laws but I wasn't sure where to start. Then I happened upon your article! I know God is leading me somewhere with regards to marriage and protecting it and I have always felt very strongly that a strong marriage leads to strong families and will lessen the problems in our society. If I can assist in any way, please let me know and I will be praying. Blessings-
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Response from : Linda Johnson |
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February 13, 2010 3:15 PM
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As a statistic myself no-fault divorce has certainly hurt my family. Married for 20 years and having four children, I knew my husband was always searching for significance outside of the Lord. I tried to keep our marriage together for many many years. Finally it was easier for him to leave us and "start over" as he put it. He has lived with his girlfriend for a year now and does not provide for our family at all. The children and I are on our own while he lives his new life. We are on food stamps and medical aid. My ex-husband has had a job the entire time. Supposidly the state will catch up to him and make him pay for the medical aid someday but the welfare offices in California tell me each case worker has close to or over 1,000 cases. Society certainly pays for one persons irresponsibility as well as their immediate family.
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Response from : phyllis |
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March 3, 2010 10:23 AM
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I went threw a divorce in 2007. My husband left me for someone else and joined the military. We lost everything we had. God told me not to be angry with my ex-husband because I might be the only one closest to God that he will ever see. He's not saved so I pray for him everday. He is no longer involved with the other woman either. She left him for someone else a year after our divorce. I want to say that I don't believe in divorce, but we know that all things work together for those who love God. God is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Since my divorce God has blessed me in different ways. Even though I am living in poverty, I know that he is with me. I have a 17 month old granddaughter who is truly a gift from God, and I am in college getting my degree in Christian Ministry. I still love my ex, and pray for him everyday. God calls us to forgive those who have wrongfully treated us, and he will take care of the person who has done the wrong to us. My ex-husband is in worse shape now than when we were together, spiritually, financially, and emotionally. Don't give Satan a foothold by remaining bitter. Believe me you'll feel better when you forgive and go on with your life. Leave doors for reconciliation open if it's possible, but if not devote your life to serving the Lord. I do agree with your article on no-fault divorce.
God Bless You!
http://http:''www.battlefortruth.org/ArticlesDetail.asp?id=352&rr=1#resp
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Response from : Dan |
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June 19, 2010 12:04 AM
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Today is a weird day. The Bible speaks of prophets who will not speak--dogs who will not bark--warnings that go unspoken.
This is a day where we passed another strange era. An era where charlatans spoke and manipulated people spiritually saying, "I'm Jesus" or "I'm God" or "I'm a prophet", or whatever. Cult leaders had tremendous followings in the 1960's and 1970's.
Jesus movements sprouted fast and got sucked into strange cults, and revival was supplanted by stupidity and throwing God's money to swindlers who glorified themselves and spend God's money on porn, prostitution, gambling, and homosexual trists.
Out of those, how many came away from the path to hell and onto the path to heaven?
So, is it any surprise that the same era would have people cheating on their marriages and popping into and out of them so fast that they could hardly be called marriages anymore?
So, why is it that prophets are silent? Well, ask yourself, "Who would heed the warning?" If the curse of God's wrath on this nation's sins were so heavy it could run down the future generations or even wipe this nation right off the globe before setting off Armageddon, who would want to tell anyone?
Imagine for a moment we live in a world with countless wackos prophesying doom and earthquakes lopping California off into the ocean. Now, say a few hundred or thousand people spend time with God and seek Him and read His Word and listen to Him. Of those, who would ever want to be the one to speak of such a prophecy or warn of the wrath to come? For what? If nobody would ever heed the warning and be saved, what would be the point of warning anyone?
Suppose there were hundreds or thousands of prophets of God who would not speak. Shameful? It would seem so. How can you let people burn in hell without a warning?
But, what if God told them not to speak?
What if this information was only for the Christian's comfort knowing justice will come and that God will do all He can wisely do to save as many people as possible, but many will be lost by their own choosing?
Imagine a courtroom. A judge and two lawyers terrify the faithful and throw the children into a whorehouse of adultery, and suddenly the eye doesn't blink. It twinkles. Jesus returns. Time's up.
The next moment, Satan rails against the faithful Christian shaming him publicly for every sin he even considered committing making him into the utmost perverted, hedonistic, cruel-hearted coward so that nobody in the whole universe could imagine how God could justify saving such a person while sending Satan to hell.
It would appear the Christian was worse than the devil. How could God condemn Satan to hell while forgiving this Christian? God answers. "Yes. He did those things. I find no fault in anything that you say." He pauses. He looks to Jesus, His Son and nods for Jesus to continue to address Satan's concerns.
Jesus steps forward and speaks.
"Satan, you failed to mention one thing. Every sin this Christian committed was paid for on the cross of Calvary with My own blood. He belongs to me."
As Jesus speaks, angelic host ushers the Christian into heaven with honors infinitely beyond the greatest honor received in earth. He is the least of the brethren.
Meanwhile the adulter and his partner are curled up on the floor silent and shuttering with with fear. The attorneys and judge appear stern, stressed while attempting to retain a facade of smugness. They're attorneys. They've been around judges, and they've argued thousands of cases. Pehaps if they do what they did before, they can argue their cases and win.
The judge, being most senior, steps forward. Attorneys hope to watch how he handles it. Satan comes forward and starts to speak. "I have nothing to say." The judge is shocked. "Are you sure?" he blurts out unable to contain his surprise. Satan is not supposed to reply, but he takes the opportunity. "Yes. I have nothing to say. If God just let the Christian go free, I have nothing more to say."
The judge smiles, and the attorneys start to feel more secure. Jesus steps forward, and the judge glances at God, the Father, freezes, turns clammy white, and collapses. The appearance on Jesus' face is not at all pleasant and silence owns the universe as Jesus pauses before speaking.
"You said you received me as your Lord and Savior. You lied. You were baptized. You attended church and you gave large sums of money and bragged about it. But, it was money you stole, bullied, and extorted from me when you took it from the least of the brethren. You sang, 'I Surrender All' but, like Ananias and Sapphira, you only gave me your refuse. And you never gave out of love, but only to satisfy your need to feel holy and superior. You acted as though I owed you something. I gave you your life and every blessing you ever received, but you turned every blessing into a weapon against me. You robbed me of my spouse. You robbed me of my children. You robbed me of my faithful parent in childhood. You robbed me of my property and enslaved me to pay you and your accomplices for your crimes. You shredded the families of small childen for profit. You swore to defend justice, but you prostituted it for a price. You terrified the innocent and the faithful and used their fear to extort protection money from them like a Mafia thug. You had your time to enjoy on earth, and now you will have your reward in hell. Depart from me!"
The judge is too shaken to reply. But, eventually he pulls himself together enough to plea with Him.
"Lord, it's just one minute too late. Take me now. Forgive me. Please. It can't be too late. That would not be fair. If I surrendered to you just one minute ago, you would have forgiven me. It's not my fault that you came one minute ago instead of ten minuts from now, so let me repent now, please. Please. I'll do anything. I'll make up for what I did if you'll let me be saved."
Trillions of years later he continues his pleas as though he had just begun his stay in hell as for all eternity, he will always be in a state of just beginning his stay in hell with every second infinitely worse than the previous and the imagination of the horrors of the next second of time infinitely beyond reach of the current moment. The evil of his heart, the cowardice the sinfulness far surpassed that of the entire population of hell trillions of times over. All for a moment of ill-gotten gain, for a bowl of soup, for the chance to rob God and abuse His loved ones for but a moment. He had a chance to reveal his character to all of heaven and hell, and reveal it, he did.
The adulterer and the unjust make it clear why a good, loving, faithful, honest, merciful God could send a person on his way to eternal, infinite pain with no hope of escape.
And, yet we're all humbled by this realizing that if we, too, do not repent with sincerity and receive Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, we will perish.
No facades, pretenses, or means of manipulation will bring God to step away from His faithfulness, holiness, and righteousness. One might expect he would have to do this out of love, but that is a defect in our understanding of love. God's infinite love demands that a hell exist, and sadly, some people really go there.
A person can be forgiven. But, once a person dies in unbelief, he or she will never again be sincere about surrendering to Christ. God knows their repentance would be a lie, a facade, a selfish and cowardly attempt to save himself from the consequences demanded by a righteous justice necessary for the greatest good to God and the universe.
And yet we're all like this. We all need to be saved from our sin. If we perish in our sins, it would be better for the universe that we be sentenced to hell. If we're righteous, we would desire to perish for the greater honor of God and the universe if we were to become repentant and righteous after death or after Christ's return. But, that would make no sense. Once a person dies in sin, they will remain in sin because there would never be anything in hell that could persuade the person to repent with any sincerity if they would not repent on earth.
Billions of people have made their final journey to their holding place, and they already know their eternal destination whether it will be heaven or hell.
Will the adulterer mock God forever? Will the unjust reveal their character to all the universe and leave God bending His rules for a sinful act of favoritism? Is God's love weak, collapsing under the demands of sin? Can God be manipulated? Can we play God for the fool with a life of sin and pretend to be religious and get to heaven? Can a person with a tall hat save us? A collar? A building with a cross on it? A rabbit's foot?
The Bible says we are saved by grace through faith and the Bible tells us that this faith and this grace will cause things to happen. One thing it causes is salvation. Another thing it causes is a total change of our attitudes, our loves, our priorities where Jesus becomes our Love, our Lord, our Savior. If we still get joy paying people to sin so we can watch, pehaps our love for God is not real. If we can live in adultery, perhaps our love for God is not real and our notion of salvation is nothing but an opiate that secures our eternal damnation. If we support sin, if we defend sin, if we love sin, then clearly we do not love God or the people whose eternal salvation is threatened by the very act of sin.
Will the adulterer lead his or her children toward heaven? Will they show an example of faith? Or of lying, cowardice, hypocrisy, and adultery?
Every person chooses heaven or hell. The adulterer chooses hell but anesthetizes himself with false security.
Is your security real?
http://www.nodivorces.com
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