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Topic: Truth in Culture Weekly Commentaries
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Finding Community
September 3, 2007
S. Michael Craven
This past week I had the profound joy of teaching at Camp-of-the-Woods (COTW), located in the heart of the Adirondack Mountains in upstate New York. For those unfamiliar, COTW is a century-old Christian camp that has been providing respite, recreation and ministry to generations of Christians. COTW is also a missionary organization, sending and supporting missionaries across the globe. The thing that is so amazing about COTW is the extraordinary sense of Christian community and fellowship that occurs in the span of a few days, among relative strangers who are gathered together for the first time. There is simply nothing like it! I think it is the closest thing to heaven I have ever experienced.
There is an incredible level of trust and transparency that fosters real and meaningful fellowship that is unfortunately rare today. Wonderful friendships are formed and there is a sense that you are truly loved and this in turn promotes a genuine love toward others. It is a place where Christian love abounds and the family of God is existent.
I spent time with so many wonderful serious-minded Christians—it was a week of great encouragement, given the spiritual apathy and cultural indifference that is pervasive in the American Church today. There was a real sadness in having to return to the “real world,” which raised several questions in my mind.
Why is it that this same level of transparency, trust, and fellowship is so hard to find in our everyday lives? Certainly, outside the Church there has been a marked decrease in the sense of community. Harvard professor, Robert Putnam points out in his important book Bowling Alone that:
For the first two-thirds of the 20th century a powerful tide bore Americans into ever deeper engagement in the life of their communities, but a few decades ago—silently and without warning—that tide reversed and we were overtaken by a treacherous rip current. Without at first noticing, we have been pulled apart from one another and from our communities over the last third of the century.
A study by sociologists at Duke University and the University of Arizona found that in 1985, every American had an average of nearly three close friends. Today, every American only has an average of two close friends they can confide in. Approximately a fourth of the people who were surveyed responded “they had no close friends at all” and the number of people who say they have no one to talk to about important matters has more than doubled. Americans, in general, are increasingly isolated and lonely. This is a sad reality of modern American life.
This is what stands out at a place like COTW and in so doing reveals the loss of something very important to human life: community. Community is more than living in proximity to each other; real community flows from being in relationship to one another. By being in relationship there naturally follows a sense of reciprocity. In other words, relationships produce obligations. For example, if we know each other and I see you and you see me at the local Mall, there is an implicit obligation to say hello. If I were to look at you and simply pass by without a word you would be offended, and rightly so. The offense is only due to our relationship, which demands certain minimal obligations, such as civility.
However, with the runaway suburbanization of cities, the advent of Superstores, the automobile, freeways, and the nomadic quest for economic security, we actually “know” fewer and fewer people. According to Putnam our lives are lived within triangles with one point representing where we sleep or live, another where we work, and another where we shop. In the last 50 years these ‘triangles” have grown much larger, so we no longer live near those with whom we work or where we shop. When was the last time you were greeted by name at the local Wal-Mart? You probably weren’t because they don’t have the slightest clue who you are! We commute with hundreds of total strangers on the freeway, who will forever remain strangers, as we sit together but isolated in cocoons of steel. Unless you live in an older urban community, who can walk to work or the market anymore? Pedestrians can engage in human contact and discussion, whereas “contact” on the freeway is to be avoided and any “discussion” is likely to be unfriendly, shall we say. We are designing cities and neighborhoods today that actually inhibit community.
Much of this change in America is attributable to pernicious consumerism that has produced cookie-cutter “bedroom communities” instead of neighborhoods, big box chain-stores that displace neighborhood merchants and short-sighted city planning that elevates “economic growth” above community and quality of life. Add to this the new and ever-increasing technologies that are replacing human community with virtual community and it is no wonder we are so isolated, alone, and disconnected from one another.
Human beings are made for fellowship with God and with each other. This is an innate God-given desire and a culture that inhibits the expression of this desire will necessarily produce alienated people. It is this alienation from God, which sin has wrought, that we sense in our innermost beings. Our alienation from each other is a daily reminder that we are “lost,” living in a world torn apart by our rebellion against God. We search desperately for something that will relieve this alienation: money, status, experience, etc. and yet these never satisfy us for long.
Herein lies a real and tangible opportunity for the Church to bear witness to the truth of Jesus Christ. We must resist these same forces that urge us to sacrifice genuine community in exchange for individual autonomy, which often begins with “I want to be left alone” but in the end says “I am lonely.” Isn’t that how we often come to church? “Just leave me alone and let me do this Christian thing my way—don’t tell me how to live, don’t ask me to serve, don’t press me for money, etc, etc.” We can even approach the church as if it was there to meet our needs not realizing we are there to meet the needs of others by imitating Christ. We want our autonomy but the reality is we are not autonomous—we belong to the community of believers as represented by the local church.
I confess that I have been guilty of this stupid thinking and my experience at COTW serves to remind me of what I am missing—the richness, blessing and need of authentic fellowship. The intentional recovery of authentic community within the Church where Christians are transparent and caring, giving of their possessions and time to others, cultivating deep relationships with one another—this, as much as anything else, will bear powerful witness to the presence of the risen Christ to an increasingly lonely world.
© 2007 by S. Michael Craven
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Responses
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Response from : Patti Stine |
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September 4, 2007 10:07 AM
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Excellent article. Growing up and living in a once small city that is becoming larger every day it's difficult to even find people that have lived there for more than a few years.
http://
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Response from : Matthew Dernier |
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September 4, 2007 10:13 AM
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Amen to Michael's discussion of "Finding Community". My family was fortunate to be at Camp of the Woods the same week as Michael -- and the sense of community in Christ was undeniable. Although, sadly, I do not experience this same sense of community in all areas of my "triangle," I am hopeful because, as COTW proves, such community is not a fiction -- it can and does exist -- and thus, with God's help, it can expand . . .
P.S. On a personal note, listening to Michael's well-reasoned lectures on Cultural Apologetics at COTW was really thought provoking. He ROCKS!
Matthew Dernier
mdernier@kggd.com
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Response from : Sherwood MacRae |
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September 4, 2007 5:16 PM
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Michael, I have to tell you, insofar as I am concerned, you are perfectly attuned to the thoughts and intents of our Lord - as, for the past several weeks, I have been weeping in the Spirit for the church and have heard from a number of people - much like I have heard from you.
Your words are very appropriate. We seem to have abandoned the church as it was introduced by our Lord, when He responded to Peter's confession that He was indeed, the Christ, the Son of the living God, with these words, Blessed are you as this is not something you conjured up in your mind or have been persuaded to believe through others, but My Father has revealed this to you AND, upon this rock, this revelation, I will build My church. (Matthew 16:16-18 paraphrased) So, what have we done down through the ages, a practice that continues to this very hour, we have built bigger and larger barns, where people come in out of the storms of life and leave, unchanged.
Few there are to realize that the rock of which Jesus spoke was not some thing, but it was the truth that Jesus is the Christ, the son of the livign God.
78 years ago I came into this world as the first child of a nominally religious couple and lost my father at an early age. Fortunately, I was sent to live with Godly grandparents where I learned it was good to attend church faithfully and in the process, I felt good about myself, even deceiving myself to believe I was - good. The first 45 years of my life, I came to realize I was anything but, good. I came to a point in my life when I had to realize I was bankrupt, financially (to be sure), but also, morally bankrupt and worse, spiritually bnkrupt. But then - at this point, I came to realize God was more than a myth, but a reality in whom I could place my trust and learn from His Son.
For the last thirty two years, I have been walking with Him and learning from Him, only to realize, most of the ones I have met in church are more attuned to the "evil" that is in the world and waste away their lives in a vain effort to overcome it. They do not seem to realize, this was accomplished at Calvary and we are to walk in the gift of faith that is an essential part of the process we call salvation.
All of what you have written is true, but there are few with the "ears to hear" and the courage to respond.
I have to believe, God is actively looking for those who discern the times and dare to stand up and confess that the only answer to the problems we gace in this world, is for those of us who believe to act as He called for us to act as He was preparing to leave this world - "... you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you and you shall be MY WITNESSES in all of those places where you may find yourself, daily." (Acts 1:8)
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Response from : Murdoch Mann |
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September 7, 2007 3:02 PM
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I think that there is another point that Michael could have made, and that is that it takes time to build friendships: time that is increasingly being spent commuting along those increasingly larger triangles between dormitory, workplace and retail centre. To truly love our brothers and sisters in Christ we need to take time to get to know them. We can't do that simply over a drink at the end of a service of worship on a Sunday morning.
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Response from : Cyndi |
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September 7, 2007 4:29 PM
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Hello Michael,
Here is yet another article that talks about the problem at length, but gives no solution. I am one of those people. I have one close friend and two other good friends I see maybe once a month. I have no family nearby. I have volunteered to host a community group in our large charge for single and divorced women--they have never had such a group in the 20+ years I have been there. I still don't know if they are going to let me. I have just now made a Christian friend--married three kids and going to school full-time. Just this week, I was in a conversation about community with non-christians and how to build it. I appreciate you writing on the topic, but we need more articles that spend time on solutions than the problem.
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Response from : Michael Craven |
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September 7, 2007 5:01 PM
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Dear Cyndi,
I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts. However, the first step in resolving a problem is to understand that there is problem. This is the work of a prophetic ministry such as mine. I am not arrogant enough to believe that I alone posses the solution. In fact, the solution is already given to us throughout Scripture if we are willing to live consistent with the teachings of Scripture rather than the prevailing culture. Additionally, you yourself represent part of the solution, which when applied is as varied as humanity itself. Your description of your own efforts to remedy the lack of community and fellowship are far better than any general remedy that I might offer because it is particular to your situation and carried out under the leading of the Holy Spirit. The solution offered to the Church is simple: repent and walk in obedience to Christ. If we do this, we already know exactly what each of us is to do in our own churches and communities to foster real community and share the love of Christ.
Part of the modern church’s problem is that it seeks grandiose, programmatic solutions to problems that are more easily addressed by each individual simply living a life that imitates Christ. It seems that you are trying to do just that and I would say that is all you and I can do. If the millions of people who read this article are challenged to examine their own lives and their own contributions to community in the light of Christ; I am convinced the Lord will convict, motivate and direct them to live out their faith in such a way that it impacts their community. This would be a far better solution that anything that I could conceive.
Again, thank you for sharing your thoughts and I pray the Lord bless all that you put your hand to, as you seek to glorify Him.
Blessings,
Michael
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Response from : Sarah |
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September 8, 2007 8:12 PM
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How true and how sad. At the giant Sam's club stores they now practice a fake form of familiarity. They read your card and then say "thank you, as if they knew you when in fact they are perfect strangers. It just empasized the lack of real community.
http://huges.net
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Response from : barb BLACK |
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September 10, 2007 10:40 AM
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Thank you for this article. I am one of the 1/4 of the surveyed folks who has nobody locally to confide in. I call a friend in New York. My pastor is trying to unite us at church though, but as far as being transparent, we are far from that so far. I will do my best to help others.
Thx again.
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Response from : Rachel |
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September 10, 2007 12:11 PM
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Thanks so much for this article; I really liked it. My cousin and I have been talking about this problem in American culture for a while. We were born and raised in Africa, and I am not trying to criticize American culture here, but in Africa there is such a sense of community. We don't have many material things there, we don't have the big house and the SUV but we have love, a sense of community, and a great closeness with one another both in and out of the Church. Even after being in the USA and now earning good money and having all the things money can buy, I would rather live in Africa where I may not have much on the outside but be rich on the inside. Those are the things that matter and I believe God wired us that way for a reason.
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Response from : Dave Telling |
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September 10, 2007 12:33 PM
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Dear Mr. Craven,
As usual, I found your article thought-provoking and convicting. This particular issue is one with which I, and many others, struggle. I do not consider myself to have any real close friends (as I would define them) and much of that is my own fault/choice. for me, the reason for much of the disengagement is simple fatigue. When I get home from work, about the last thing I want is to spend "quality time" with other people. Because of the way inwhich we have disassociated our residences, our workplaces, and our shopping areas, we have to force ourselves to interact with others, but we are tired & just want to be entertained.
One question I did have, that I think might be worth exploring in a later article - did you maintain the friendships you started at the retreat, or did your life just sort of slide back to "normal"? I have found that retreats can be very uplifting & result occasionally in closer communication with the other participants, but once we get back to "real life", there's not much change. I think that the real issues are far deeper, and much harder to cope with, as correcting them would involve a massive realignment of our social structure. Perhaps we should see how we can adapt to what we have, rather than spend time wishing for something we can't have?
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Response from : Catherine Howell |
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September 10, 2007 1:14 PM
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A great article that I needed to read. I wrote a poem called 'Is This The Church?' It points to the program oriented, fast growing, oblivious, entertainment seeking churches of today. Sometimes it feels as if it is more about the numbers than the people. It is more about church 'buiding' growth than the actual 'people' church growth. Oh! What a sad state we are in!
Respectfully submitted,
Catherine Howell
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Response from : Scott D. Hawn |
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September 10, 2007 6:33 PM
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You wrote.....For the first two-thirds of the 20th century a powerful tide bore Americans into ever deeper engagement in the life of their communities, but a few decades ago—silently and without warning—that tide reversed and we were overtaken by a treacherous rip current. Without at first noticing, we have been pulled apart from one another and from our communities over the last third of the century. And I submit..... June 25th, 1962... The day the moral fabric of americas youth began to unravel. Prayer left schools. If you look at the morals and standards of the 50's and then look at the morals and standards of the 70's....then remember what happened on 06-25-62...it makes sense.
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Response from : victor |
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September 11, 2007 3:40 AM
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Very on target, very sad also that we have lost so much in society and in what we call church.
http://5ia4d8
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Response from : Melanie |
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September 12, 2007 10:23 AM
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I agree with you Micheal. I am a nineteen year old freshman in College. I recently went to youth camp. I surrendured my life to God. I loved every moment of camp. I could feel God so close. The hardest part was coming home. Because no one at home was as serious as I was. My family wasn't and niethier was my work and friends. No one truly understood the passion that I had for the Lord. That was the hardest part for me was coming home. I was up on the mountain at camp, but when i came home, i felt like I was in the valley, and I was fighting everything. I thank the Lord that I have him to run to in times like this. I have one close friend who really loves the Lord. I came home and told her everything about it. She understands everything. I thank the Lord for her too, because she is truly a blessing.
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Response from : Hattie |
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September 12, 2007 1:06 PM
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Michael your articles expresses truth about Christian's relationships. They very fly by night. My husband and I have made it our goal to great all with a smile and hearty hello. We have made it a point to get to know our neighbor up closed. We go and knock on doors and introduce ourselves. At church we great with hand shakes, hugs and name. We believe we must be the light regardless of how the others folks acts. We bring the Kingdom of God where ever we go and through that God has added many friends that are very transparent.
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Response from : CJ |
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September 12, 2007 4:14 PM
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This article hits home for me. I have lived in a new city for 9 months now and it is terribly difficult to "fit in." The sense of community is lost. I come from a small town and now live in a big city. The differences between the two are astounding.
I am also newly engaged, which is why I moved, and am finding it even more difficult to fit in with my fiance's family. They are a very close family which is great but I come from a divided family and am having difficulty feeling wanted by them. I literally do not know how to connect with them. While they are cordial to me they are also very judgmental and disapprove of many things about me. Things that I cannot change. This family is very religious and it confuses me that they will not accept me for who I am. The level of superficiality is overwhelming at times and very, very uncomfortable. It almost seems like it would be easier to remain alone even though I so desperately want to fit in. I can't change my past, who my family is, how I was raised, who I am today so why must I be judged? It's terribly discouraging to be feeling these things when all I want to do is have a future that is better and different from my past. I survived my past, over came my hardships and wish others could look at me for who I am, who I can be instead of who I was. Thank God we all have something more to look forward to!
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Response from : Steve Pirollo |
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September 26, 2007 8:00 AM
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Michael, you have hit the nail on the head! How said and painful we don't have the community that the Lord has called us to have with each other. I always say Job's friends had it right at first, the wept and sat with him for seven days. It's when they opened their mouth that the got into trouble. We need intimacy and community. Being transparent and accountable to each others as brothers and sisters should be the norm. After all we are held together by the blood of Christ. This is the strongest bond that exists period. We should not let the culture affect/infect us and steel our time. Thank you for your thoughts on this subject.
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