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Topic: Truth in Culture Weekly Commentaries
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Girls Gone Wild, Boys Gone Mild
August 6, 2007
S. Michael Craven
 
In the wake of Madonna, Paris Hilton, and countless other “role models” encouraging young women to “express their sexuality” and drink deeply from the pool of promiscuity there comes a rare and refreshing voice of reason.
At twenty-three, Wendy Shalit challenged conventional wisdom with her 1999 book A Return to Modesty: Discovering the Lost Virtue, prompting James P. Pinkerton to write in Newsday that her book was “strong evidence that the backlash against Monica Lewinsky will come, not from her elders, but from her youngers.” His prediction, it seems, may be coming true.
Despite the fact that porn is mainstream, and despite the fact that those who to choose to delay sex are labeled “prudes,” Wendy Shalit argues that “a youth-led rebellion is challenging the status quo.”
In her latest book, Girls Gone Mild: Young Women Reclaim Self-Respect and Find It’s Not Bad to Be Good, we hear from the voices at the frontlines of this emerging new movement, from someone who has been talking to these “rebellious good girls” for almost ten years. Some of them, Shalit reports, are “pressured by their own mothers to lose their virginity, and come to resent it; others just don’t think they need to be ‘bad’ to be liberated in the first place.”
One reviewer writes: “Drawing on numerous studies and interviews around the nation, Shalit’s findings are at once shocking and encouraging. Nowadays, as even the youngest teenage girls feel the pressure to become cold sex sirens, put their bodies on public display, and suppress their feelings in order to feel accepted and (temporarily) loved, many young women are realizing that ‘friends with benefits’ are often anything but. And as these girls speak for themselves, we see that what is expected of them turns out to be very different from what is in their own hearts.” Shalit reveals how the media, one’s peers, and even parents can undermine girls’ quests for their authentic selves, details the problems of sex without intimacy, and explains what it means to break from the herd mentality and choose integrity over popularity.
Shalit writes, “This book is about my search for an alternative to our Girls Gone Wild culture. It’s about finding a way to acknowledge sexuality without having to share it with strangers. It’s about rediscovering our capacity for innocence, for wonder, and for being touched profoundly by others. My goal is not to attack those who want to be ‘wild,’ but rather to expand the range of options for young people, who I believe are suffering because of the limited choices available to them.”
I don’t know if this “backlash” against the sexualized culture will succeed but Ms. Shalit is addressing the most important segment of society able to determine our direction: women. As history shows, it is the sexual opportunity afforded to women that determines a society’s sexual ethic. Joseph Daniel Unwin, the noted British anthropologist was the first to confirm this point in his monumental work, Sex and Culture in 1934. Unwin studied over 80 civilizations spanning more than 5000 years of human history proving conclusively that a strong sexual ethic, which restrained sex to the exclusive relationship of legal marriage, was directly related to the health and prosperity of a given civilization. Regarding the relationship of women to determining this ethic Unwin wrote:
In all cases the opportunity afforded to the female seems a more important factor than that of the male, whose opportunity, of course, is in many ways a reflection of hers.
This is rather self-evident. In societies where sexual opportunity is restricted to marriage and where absolute monogamy is the socially reinforced standard, chastity becomes desirable for its own sake. Women accept, as a point of honor, the restraints imposed by society. In so doing, sexual opportunity is limited to marriage and promiscuity is condemned. For men, whose sexual desire remains relatively the same regardless of the surrounding culture, Unwin makes the point that the limitation of sexual opportunity to marriage provides a powerful incentive to marry and “settle down.”
Rutgers University confirmed this same conclusion following one of the most comprehensive studies on the state of marriage: The State of Our Unions, The Social Health of Marriage in America, 2002. According to researchers, the top reason given by men for their unwillingness to commit to marriage is “They can get sex without marriage more easily than in times past.” You can begin to see how sexual promiscuity directly undermines the social commitment to marriage as an essential institution.
Granted, there has often been a double standard relative to men and women. Women have frequently suffered condemnation and even death for their sexual transgressions, as in the case of Muslim societies, while men often received unspoken admiration or, at most, indifference. Wendy Shalit advocates “returning to a single high standard for women and for men, instead of letting men off the hook or pressuring young women to imitate the most adolescent males in order to be ‘empowered.’” This is the same standard given in Scripture—there is no double sexual standard for men and women.
This is not to say that men do not play any role in the preservation and promotion of a virtuous sexual ethic—they certainly do. While men, generally speaking, do not control “opportunity,” they can and do influence the public attitude in support of or opposition to chastity. Men also must therefore do their part to promote and protect virtue.
Unfortunately, in a culture that seems to produce more and more men who are either wimps or barbarians—the support for female virtue is either flaccid or ridiculed. Couple this with the sexualized messages of the culture, the fallacy of feminist ideology that promotes “sex as power,” and single women find little or no support for modesty and sexual purity.
If we want to recover a sane and moral sexual ethic, which is essential to the health and longevity of society, we must, once again, teach our young women to honor modesty and chastity and teach our young men to defend and preserve the honor of our young women.
© 2007 by S. Michael Craven
Click HERE to read related story from FoxNews on the psychological effects upon young girls of the sexualized culture.
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Responses
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Response from : stephen peele |
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August 6, 2007 11:12 AM
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Bravo! Women (and men) need to know that all this sexual freedom is putting them in very real bondage. Why is it taking so long for us to acknowledg the FACT that transgressing God's law does nothing more than bring us grief (and pain and STD's and wounds, and curses). I am so glad that even the "logic" of blessings and curses, is now being applied to people's lives, as a Pastor I see the results on a regular basis and continue to preach the message of purity to young and old alike. God said that would be the only way, and we are finding that out.
My challenge is that our kids should not be coming to this realization as if it is a new concept...we (even Christians) are simply being brought home to the truth of God...and it is high time, before we cause more pain in this world.
Why is there such pain in this world? Much of it is self-inflicted.
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Response from : John James |
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August 6, 2007 11:12 AM
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Potent article! Having raised four daughters who, to my knowledge, were virgins when they married four fine Christian men, I cannot recommend your viewpoint too highly. Yes, men are so often either wimps or barbarians. And the higher age for marriage among men is obviously due to availability of women the "easy" way. The most shocking part is that mothers would pressure their own daughters to lose their virginity! How sickening can you get?!
Three cheers for Wendy Shalit! May her tribe increase. And may she have the ears and hearts of an increasing part of our populace and open doors for her incredible, fearless message. God bless her and all who follow her lead!
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Response from : Garry Webb |
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August 6, 2007 10:39 PM
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I read the article and thank God for the change in thought being expressed by Wendy Shalit. I am a youth pastor in Australia and I have worked with my Senior youth pastor to promote purity, friendly relationships with the opposite sex, not Full on relationships that often lead young ones to a place where they feel they need to engage in sexual activity as the next form of expression in their relationship and they are only 15 years old. Praise God that the voice of women is rising up to tell other women that they are allowed to have a relationship where they can decide on what happens within that relationship. I have 2 daughters 19 and 22 and have raised them to have friends who are boys but not boyfriends. Interestingly my youngest daughter is living in Melbourne city and attends a church that is very much "youth" with a membership of 2,500, the leadership have queried as to why over 90% of those who attend are not in a relatioship or dating at all. My thought is that if the opposite message to promiscuity is to heavily preached and taught young ones become "anti" in some way to relationships and don't become involved with the opposite sex. I believe that the positive message of waiting is important but we MUST promote positive relationships.
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Response from : Mary LeBlanc |
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August 8, 2007 11:48 AM
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It is most important for women to realize that sex outside of marriage will not get you anything. Young women need to learn that commitment is important.
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Response from : Sharon Hurley |
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August 10, 2007 2:54 PM
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Thank you thank you thank you! Jesus said be holy as I am holy and the life-honoring lifestyle of purity is part of his plan. He is calling believers to rise up and go against the tide of impurity not in turning them away but bringing them life and freedom. He is the Redeemer and the Restorer! He calls with the invitation to "come, to the higher road it's narrow but filled with life abundantly."
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Response from : Gabrielle Jansen |
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August 10, 2007 3:17 PM
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I very much agree with what you say. I am so glad to read this article.
But what do you think of a couple that is engaged and has sex before the actual marriage ceremony? I don't know the answer to that one. Sex is a very powerful force.
http://???
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Response from : Scarlett S. Berge'r |
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August 11, 2007 8:23 PM
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I agee wholeheartedly with the message
of this article. I pray and hope that
this will take hold and become as publicized and popular as girls gone
mad. Sadly they truly are deceived and
have gone mad. I pray daily for the
recovery, restoration and renewal for
the American people and our culture.
Thank you for this article.
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Response from : Grace Leigh |
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August 25, 2007 8:34 AM
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I just finished reading Girls Gone Mild and was thoroughly impressed by Shalit's research and perspective. This is an excellent summation of the article, especially in that it points out the necessity of the return to modesty and chastity that Shalit calls for. After reading her book, the virtuous lifestyle that she advocates is clearly the antitode to today's sex-saturated culture, as well as the key to happiness.
http://www.myspace.com/gracefulleigh
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